Pieces of Penelope (1981, 15 years old)

June 24, 2009


... Lately I feel pulled between my true values and the tempting human feelings I often have. But through this, I'm learning more about myself. I feel that I'm finally getting to know just who I am ...

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... I feel like crying out and saying, "God, I want what they have." It's a hunger so deep that I just want someone I can cry to and explain the feelings I have of wanting this special something they have. Yet I know in my heart I'm so unworthy. I don't deserve anything, but I want it all so much.

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... I'm beginning to see people as so human, with such precise feelings ...

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... I've discovered what my life needs is humility. This is the hardest thing for me to achieve. Is it something you achieve, or is in, in fact, something you find? There is a certain kind of humility and I feel that when I find this, I'll be free from this human bondage that prevents me from expressing myself. Sometimes I need to express myself so much and then I think, What do I need to express? I think it is my fear ...

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... I need to not go out with anyone so I can devote myself to cleaning up my act ... I always say that you go through stages during your life. Each stage you experience and learn from but to be a growing person, you've got to know how to tell when it's time to discover what you've learned from it, grow, and move away. If you hang on to things that must pass, then you're damaging yourself and possibly others ...

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I'm basing my new life on the most important things: unselfishness, loving others, not judging, and most of all, forgiving ...

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